I just got home from what I believe was my first Oscars viewing party. I’m a little tired, a little wired, and looking forward to settling into a bit more digital farming for the evening and maybe eating the last piece of pizza in the fridge. This kind of movie-centric gathering is not something that I usually do, since I have am pretty unadventurous when it comes to movies. They’re supposed to make you feel and engage, but sometimes it’s too much; Who would choose to feel overwhelmingly sad, or scared, or angry? I really like predictable films, light comedies, things where it’s easier to set myself apart from it all.

It’s also something I don’t usually do because social gatherings can set off my anxiety pretty badly. What if I chose the wrong thing to bring to eat? What if I don’t know anyone there? What if I do know a few people there and they get tired of my anxious clinging? What if I fail to filter myself and say something mean about someone’s favorite actor or actress? What if I show up too early and cause awkwardness? What if it’s weird I don’t drink at a party with offered named cocktails? It’s less than a mile away, should I walk even though it’ll be over late? What if I get bored? What if I get mugged, raped, or murdered on the 8 blocks walking home? What if it’s snowing?

I waffled a bit about whether I wanted to go or not, whether I had enough spoons to expend social energy both wrangling myself and expending energy being friendly with others. I ultimately decided to go and I am feeling really good about my decision. I had fun, the crowd was all people I knew, my store-bought shortbread cookies were well-received, and I knit a whole afghan square while I watched.

I got to make fun of Dwayne Johnson’s GIANT bow tie, gasp at Janelle Monáe’s gorgeous dress, and completely disapprove of the woman with the shiny boobs. (The dress was mostly see-through, I think she had a chrome bra on or something, I don’t know, fashion is weird, folks.) I squealed at Scarlett Johanson’s hair. I loved seeing the Disney Moana singer perform RIGHT through getting clocked by one of her backup flag-wavers. I especially loved the peek into the orchestra pit, and the orchestra attempting to play Matt Damon off the stage while he was presenting an award. I even participated in the good natured “can you pick the winners” pool, which I won, right up until someone told Warren Beatty he’d opened the wrong envelope. Nothing like having to forward Square-Cash deposited winnings!

I had fun and despite my anxieties none of those things happened. I’m home safe, warm, and comfortable after a good time and tasty treats. I even got to set off The Volcano! It’s nice to say “I told you so” to your brain, sometimes, so long as you can remember to frame it as a victory, rather than a delayed tragedy.

So, one of my “famous” compositions:

Dear Brain,

I had fun, despite you. 🖕🏼

<3, Rey

PS: 🖕🏼 🖕🏼 🖕🏼

A twitter buddy of mine is committing to writing 500 words a day on some topic, and invited others to join her. Feel free to write alongside us, exercise those grammar muscles, and do a little wordsmithing. The hashtag on twitter is #500wordsAbout.