I Can Do It Myself

I wrote most of this earlier this week except the conclusion, mostly because I hadn’t come to one yet. It’s amazing what a difference a few days make – I’m in a completely different place right now, as you can see from the final paragraph. Keep plugging, friends, things don’t stay hard forever. I’ve been struggling this last couple weeks, I was out of town visiting my adorable brand-new nephew and helping my sister and her husband out, then my husband was out of town, attending a wedding.
Tags: mental health, support, friends, family

Some Pathfinder Hijinx

Today I got an email from my DM, which I wanted to share with you, ‘cuz it brightened my day (along with my smart-ass comments). Since the beginning of this campaign, I’ve been giving names to each of our sessions as if they were episodes of a show or chapters of a book. Tonight will be Episode 27: Two Boats are Better Than One. Especially if one is stolen from your (my) personal enemy and can’t safely dock in any port nearby!
Tags: roleplaying, pathfinder, tabletop gaming

Help Me Pick New Headphones, Please?

I broke ANOTHER pair of earbuds, this week. This is the 4th pair in the last 2-ish years, and I am pretty fed up. I keep breaking the connection between the plug and the wire, causing one earbud or the other to stop making noise, and me to walk around with my head tilted sideways and a confused look on my face. It’s really undignified. These are my current earbuds. They’re relatively cheap, relatively comfortable, and when I accidentally leave them in my pants pocket and they go through the wash, they tend to work afterwards.
Tags: hardware, headphones

Thank You

Thanks for letting me set the level of interaction I needed, without making me feel like I was putting anyone out or rejecting anyone. Thanks for not making a big deal out of my not drinking. Thanks for reminding me that I am not alone in my anxieties, and that it’s okay to have things make me feel insecure. Thank you for including me into your family with open arms, even when I didn’t know what to do with them all!
Tags: friends, families you choose, weddings

Being All of Myself

Yesterday someone shared a Medium post that I really liked reading. It has a lot of bits that really resonated with me, talking about being part of the queer community and dealing with the recent attack on the LGBT community in Orlando. In particular, this quote: Am I allowed to feel this devastated, this full of rage? Am I gay enough to be this upset? Am I appropriating the grief of real gay people?
Tags: identity, self-awareness, sexuality

Vignettes in the Life of Rachael

I started therapy with a therapist whose primary approach is Cognitive Behavior Therapy, rather than “just” check-ins with my prescribing doctor about my moods & how the meds are going, in early February. That shit is HARD. I’ve heard “lets look at it a different way” and “But what if it wasn’t?” a LOT, recently. Lots about self-care, and ways to basically hack my life and manage expectations so that I feel better about where I am now, rather than frustrated about where I could be.
Tags: depression, anxiety, therapy, vacation, Disneyland, comics, Hawkeye, Reign

Pizza Hat Knitting Pattern

This ribbed and bobbled hat with simple cables and knit-on i-cord came about as a present for a friend who is well known for his unique and enthusiastic relationship with that food we all know and love: pizza! He spends a lot of time out in the cold, and I wanted him to be warm while repping that cheesy goodness, and thus: the pizza love hat! Download PDF Version Here. Yarn: Cascade Yarns Baby Alpaca Chunky - I chose something that was going to be warm and soft, while retaining some stitch definition.
Tags: knitting, pattern, pizza

Christmas Knitting Is (Finally) Done!

When I’m done knitting something, and I’ve finished it all up, woven in the ends, sewed the armpits, washed and blocked it, and done all the fiddly bits, there’s always a moment when I want to run a victory lap around the house. When it’s New Years Eve, and I’m working on Christmas (aka deadline) knitting, and everything came together exactly as I intended, well… some bragging may be in order.
Tags: knitting, Christmas, sweaters, scarf

State of the Rachael

We’re finally wrapping up 2015, and a lot of people seem to like doing some kind of end of year wrap-up. That’s not usually me, but since I’m at the edge of someplace good, and it’s the edge of the year, just this once I’m going to make an exception. Ladies and gentlemen, the State of the Rachael - is strong. No, really. I think me and my doctor are done adjusting meds for awhile, and while life isn’t perfect, it’s so much better than it was a year or even six months ago, that there really isn’t any comparison.
Tags: depression, anxiety, medication, happiness, status, New Years

Dear Future Me: You Will Be Wrong

I would love to say that I will always be right, will never take up a position that is indefensible, or untenable, never just simply make a mistake. I know better, though, I’ve stuck my foot in it before, and likely will again, sometime soon - might be in the midst of it, now, even. This last week I watched someone else put THEIR foot in it, and briefly noted it on twitter, with the ever-eloquent “are you FUCKING kidding, Seattle Weekly?”.
Tags: apologies, mistakes